Poison

How do I change the course I'm on
with each twist and turn,
with each decision
how do I not burn
those who love me
and care most,
how do I not hurt them
for how black I feel
today and every day.

Burying myself on this path,
for I've seen it before,
should I try to change,
I do daily.
to lead me estrange,
but ever familiar
to make the same
broken mistake
all over again.

I hate for who I am,
some days,
which lead me different ways,
but somehow
someway I go unchanged.
fearing what I'd hate to become,
taking, hurting others
for what I am,
who I am.

So how do I find that path
where I wont be like them,
my blood, its all around me,
I fear the pattern,
which consumes me
controls me, not yet
I am in here fighting
for me, I wont be like them,
for this poison,
it cannot win.