Red Gem

My heart, yes this one, it resides cold beating in my chest.
My hand, yes my left, a heart sits on my second last finger.
Hearts all over but with each heart on my body,
just reminds me how lonely the only important one is.

Never been one to grow attached to things or anyone,
and I was a fool to think that nothing could go wrong,
with how alone I've always been, I thought I was at home
but when I fell in love, I couldn't be anymore wrong.

And now I feel so very alone when I was alone before
that loneliness could never compare to this
I cant cry no longer, for my heart can't keep up with this,
With confidence I pack my stuff and close the door.

I've got nothing left inside of my chest for now
and once these hearts mend to the shining red gems,
with my tears unshed no longer falling from my eyes.
My life will fall into place and begin its everlasting hems.

I often find myself here thinking about these past lulls,
how my hems were hemmed and a new story in their place
growing tall it seems like I'm gazed upon castle walls,
and I feel stuck, for my past has still the strong embrace.

Fighting to what's to come of me next,
struggling and fighting for air.
Moving forward seems lethal out of context,
but my strides stress and suppress each step fair.

I gaze upon my hand and pulling my thoughts,
immediately a smile stretches across my red full lips.
I have been his all along just avoiding this path, which fits,
It's you, all along that has already had me caught.

Poison

How do I change the course I'm on
with each twist and turn,
with each decision
how do I not burn
those who love me
and care most,
how do I not hurt them
for how black I feel
today and every day.

Burying myself on this path,
for I've seen it before,
should I try to change,
I do daily.
to lead me estrange,
but ever familiar
to make the same
broken mistake
all over again.

I hate for who I am,
some days,
which lead me different ways,
but somehow
someway I go unchanged.
fearing what I'd hate to become,
taking, hurting others
for what I am,
who I am.

So how do I find that path
where I wont be like them,
my blood, its all around me,
I fear the pattern,
which consumes me
controls me, not yet
I am in here fighting
for me, I wont be like them,
for this poison,
it cannot win.

Winter's Embrace

Winter's Embrace

The ice cold flake falls to my porcelain white nose, closing my dark eyes hidden underneath long lashes, I cringe as the wind stings my cheeks, instantaneously I froze as my ears prick to that ice and powder crunching beneath my toes that I can no longer feel, chilling my back and I shiver.

Continuing my short stride, I walk through the whiteout, to my left, chain linked with ice and snow, far out in this darkness, deep; what were stunning green trees are now frosted thick heavy white branches.

I stop suddenly gazing around, as a branch gives way from it's lingering weight tumbling with a light powdery mist as the snow hits the large bank formed on the ground.

More flakes plunge to the endless white from the low grey ceiling above. Gracely pulling my hood over my head to protect my hair from the flowing flakes I break for the forest, enjoying my time the enticing aloneness for it's what I so deeply love.

Sail's Mast

Sail's Mast

Cool dim lighting surrounds the lonely seats,

I inhale cautiously, filling my lungs with musty air.

I grasp the bar putting up my feet

as I begin to relax in the chair.

In front a familiar coaster appears.

Instinctively my hand hits the counter

and I fight the urge and hide my tears.

I am not myself, seeing the glass, I found her.

Three ice cubes and a green lime wedge,

clink and sparkle like diamonds.

Clear glossy liquid pours down my throat,

slamming the empty glass down to the ledge.

That's where I begin to float,

thoughts that consumed me

surrender and leave me free.

Leaving behind a bill, I walk for the door.

Button after Button, I face the cold,

taking long strides, lacking confidence untold.

Continuing with grace, long and growing sore.

Trying to block the remnants of my past,

but clearly each day the depression consumes me.

One day I'll live like a Sail's strength surely,

gliding the waters of my destructions,

sailing, smoothly, rising strongly,

awaiting the day to see my mast.

Disowned

Disowned

I hate for how I feel, my feelings run deep.

I dread with how I act, my actions don't sleep.

All this pain weighs in my soul,

I try to escape each day.

When I think I've found a hole,

I get stuck every day.

For these decisions are my own to make,

my very possible future mistakes.

For every direction that I choose,

I needst not worry about your abuse.

So take me as I am,

for what I am

and what I do,

don't make me choose,

between me and you,

because it hurts me losing you.

 Family, through death we lose.

Family, through birth we gain.

So how do I describe my pain,

with each decision that you choose,

leaves us both with a loss, suffering and pain.

Goodbye To You

Goodbye To You

Alone as I am, I am not.

For when I close my eyes,

it's you that has me caught

through your hatred and lies.

As much as I try to forget your face,

your wit, your love, your deep grey eyes,

your smell, your style, your easy grace.

Your carefree smile, your shape, your pouty lip,

 your not perfect, but perfect teeth.

Every time I concentrate to forget you,

these feelings are burned into

my touch, my eyes, my memories,

my lips, my heart, my everything.

Please let me forget you now,

since we have gone our separate ways.

You've left me alone in a daze

with this courage I begin to see how.

I'll never love again like this,

I was blinded by you

and who's to say that love was even true,

did it ever start with a kiss.

Or would we argue on that too.

So I'm saying goodbye my love,

goodbye to you.

Crimson Cut

Crimson Cut

 

My heart continues to bleed,

at least I know I'm alive.

Love has yet for me to breathe

and hinders thoughts to survive.

 

I am but a blank page of art,

for which many colours appear.

They take no direction or start,

for I begin to disappear.

 

Crimson, softly, smoothly, fitting,

crimson, expanding, quickly, filling,

awaking the areas on the surface,

static travels underneath.

I am left blind but exactly aware,

crimson, roughly, sticky, seeping,

crimson, rising, dripping, Bleeding.

 

Thine thoughts pricked

and fly with ease,

eyes closed shut

and my visions seized.

 

A burning sensation clasps my nose,

instantaneously I froze.

The pain pierces my skin,

effortlessly travels within.

 

It is here where the numbness resides,

a substance drenches the veins,

like it purposely has to abide,

this pain forever remains.

 

Crimson, torchers, alcohol, pain.

Crimson seeps through

bloodshed and vain.

Immaculously, maliciously, cleanses

the wound, spreading like fever.

As the crimson tries to spread like salt,

this brutal suffering travels deeper.