Disowned

Disowned

I hate for how I feel, my feelings run deep.

I dread with how I act, my actions don't sleep.

All this pain weighs in my soul,

I try to escape each day.

When I think I've found a hole,

I get stuck every day.

For these decisions are my own to make,

my very possible future mistakes.

For every direction that I choose,

I needst not worry about your abuse.

So take me as I am,

for what I am

and what I do,

don't make me choose,

between me and you,

because it hurts me losing you.

 Family, through death we lose.

Family, through birth we gain.

So how do I describe my pain,

with each decision that you choose,

leaves us both with a loss, suffering and pain.

Goodbye To You

Goodbye To You

Alone as I am, I am not.

For when I close my eyes,

it's you that has me caught

through your hatred and lies.

As much as I try to forget your face,

your wit, your love, your deep grey eyes,

your smell, your style, your easy grace.

Your carefree smile, your shape, your pouty lip,

 your not perfect, but perfect teeth.

Every time I concentrate to forget you,

these feelings are burned into

my touch, my eyes, my memories,

my lips, my heart, my everything.

Please let me forget you now,

since we have gone our separate ways.

You've left me alone in a daze

with this courage I begin to see how.

I'll never love again like this,

I was blinded by you

and who's to say that love was even true,

did it ever start with a kiss.

Or would we argue on that too.

So I'm saying goodbye my love,

goodbye to you.

Crimson Cut

Crimson Cut

 

My heart continues to bleed,

at least I know I'm alive.

Love has yet for me to breathe

and hinders thoughts to survive.

 

I am but a blank page of art,

for which many colours appear.

They take no direction or start,

for I begin to disappear.

 

Crimson, softly, smoothly, fitting,

crimson, expanding, quickly, filling,

awaking the areas on the surface,

static travels underneath.

I am left blind but exactly aware,

crimson, roughly, sticky, seeping,

crimson, rising, dripping, Bleeding.

 

Thine thoughts pricked

and fly with ease,

eyes closed shut

and my visions seized.

 

A burning sensation clasps my nose,

instantaneously I froze.

The pain pierces my skin,

effortlessly travels within.

 

It is here where the numbness resides,

a substance drenches the veins,

like it purposely has to abide,

this pain forever remains.

 

Crimson, torchers, alcohol, pain.

Crimson seeps through

bloodshed and vain.

Immaculously, maliciously, cleanses

the wound, spreading like fever.

As the crimson tries to spread like salt,

this brutal suffering travels deeper.



Can't Do It Anymore

Can't Do it Anymore

 

Yelling turns black and black some more,

some more turns red I know for sure.

And yet I must turn my back once again,

the cold wind blows as my walks to begin.

 

I must leave for I know I've overstayed,

so as I leave don't cry for my sorrow

and please don't pretend, I know you betrayed

for the future of my sad tomorrow.

 

I try to please you every day,

all I do you look away,

and yet I like to stay with you,

whatever I say, you find untrue.

 

With all I do my heart is sore,

you're always changing your side,

for that I can't do it anymore,

but sit back and regret the ride.

 

With your mixed emotions running rapid in time,

I think I'll try and suppress my visions,

I hurt knowing the choice is all mine

and for that I made those decisions.

You are my angel

You Are My Angel

 

I watch you from heaven,

I will wait for you,

so far I've waited seven,

that's how I know it's true.

 

When you gaze up in the sky,

looking for answers in the clouds,

I gaze upon your eyes,

I couldn't miss them in a crowd.

 

I know this came too fast,

God took me from your heart,

I wish that moment weren't my last,

each and every part.

 

Even though I'm in heaven's gates,

the one that wears her wings,

I know love when it's my fate,

you are my angel, so he sings.

Be True

Be True

 

Cry for me, and pray for me

and smile for me tonight.

You'll long for me and know for me

and try for me with fight.

 

Feel for me, and hold for me

and dream for me, the good.

You'll steal for me and lie for me

and fly for me, you would.

 

Pinch me I think I'm falling,

catch me I think I'm stalling,

don't do these things for me,

don't do these things for you.

 

Look to our future you see.

We'll cry, pray and smile,

to be true.

Not Sunshine and Rainbows

Not Sunshine and Rainbows

 

Misty droplets roll down thine's cheek

and kiss whatever they land upon.

Finding the sunshine that I seek

is becoming a countless deed in the sun.

 

Your friendship used to consume me

but lately it just grows weak,

from a consorted path I needst break free,

before we drift too great lengths and break.

 

You speakst of sunshine and rainbows,

which I agree we are not,

but every friendship has their sorrows,

and in this case there's a lot.

 

Please don't shy away from me

when I need you now the most,

don't hesitate your feelings,

deep down I feel no longer close.

 

Even though we're not blood related

I felt so close to you

and now with all the feeling of hatred

I want to reach out to you,

but burning in my heart,

will you reach back,

or will this friendship fall apart

and turn an awful black?

 

I sincerely apologize for all the hurt I have caused you,

I hope we can move past this and together laugh later too.

 

I'm reaching out to you,

through the rainbows,

through the butterflies,

through the clouds,

and the sunshine,

I'm reaching out to you,

in hopes you see through

to my heart

and accept me as I am,

a little broken,

but with time,

with a friend like you,

we can begin to mend.