Good Morning Heartache

Hush now for I cannot explain

what's to come of me next,

my future tries to sustain 

but it's just another reflex. 

To forget your face I try,

No heart to hold over me

But those spells I cry,

Like the wind I cannot see

those tears, but they dry

down my soul, they're heavy.

So I'll have to go and say goodbye

as these spells are my plenty. 

This moon above shines so bright 

but this light is not my fate,

For it's yours that my dark turns light

and so good morning heartache.

But how good morning when there's no night

and no night, just a revolver going around 

longing for that soft low whisper of sight 

for it's your love I want to surround. 

Your face haunting through my picture house 

these dreams are but memories and I am guilty,

of loving you still but unlovable thereabouts,

is the thrill I seek for every days a mystery,

to forget your face every day I try.

Losing control I'm lost in the darkness

but seeing the light again it's useless,

for it's you, I sigh.

Enveloping the black.

Enveloping the black. 

How does one have such masochistic thoughts,

But yet go on day by day happily?

Some days I feel too numb and get lost

in this light that consumes me entirely.

That light it's turning with my darkness,

Darkness that deserves death and despair,

But like a pharaoh fights for his carcass

Must go on needlessly numbing this nightmare.

My footsteps fall in the rain that secures me

for it is but a disguise for the pain,

That envelops all around but I am in safety. 

As tears frequently fall I must abstain,

For if I selfishly but desperately give in, it wins.

But when this wind doesn't blow 

Forgiveness for my future begins,

Or do I dwell too far below. 

Somebody please bring me down from this ledge,

Looming over me to let go.

I can't, crawling closer chasing that edge

that's extending and encasing below,

Foreshadowing futuristic funerals I can't see,

I won't see, willing myself to go back

and keep going, this game so generously 

grows dangerous, desperately to black.

For when I wake from this sadistic slumber

I am sick of this forgotten forsaken feeling,

Needless to say I am just another number.

My final hours to spend reminiscing, revealing 

before the black blatantly consumes,

Constricts cutting off my light.

For I cannot breathe no one assumes

being in the light but still savagely black, I fight.

A Prisoner's Embrace

A Prisoner's Embrace

 

 

Remarkable, this time it travels translucent, trickling down to no where,

treacherous territory to the ground below.

But where do we go from here for I cannot know, I cannot be near and I cannot fight because I cannot bare that I want to be there.

I'd give every last breath, every ounce of my weight to see those eyes light up amongst many things knowing that I caused such a catastrophe; it's so cliché.

But yet I long for this cliché, it gives me purpose so proudly living my day by day engaging in high demanding delusions, drawing on your energy that I so desperately need to stay a float and to focus  to what will come of me next.

Tis not known in true disbelief for it is not shown that one cannot handle this exclusive elusive encounter, breaching imparable deposition.

I cannot bare it.

Nor cannot handle the way in which your being controls me, consumes my every action or next move to the way in which I live on this earth.

Devastating I cannot face your disposition.

But I need it, for I know no other way than the constant battle inside of me.

Decisions, oh so in regards, devastating like free falling, but not by my will.

As if pushed to face my demons head on, face first, free falling to the dramatic realization, disgraceful dictating, so masochistic of my mass destruction.

Empowering I live for the moment to quit this battle and go on not living for your pieces, your possessiveness that controls my heart, my mind, my actions without a second thought.

I needst to withstand your viciousness, knowing that I cannot be yours.

Please I beg of your heart, release me for I am not yours to keep, I am not your prisoner that I cant help but feel so captively contained to knowing and breathing only you.

And so cant you see I am but a lonely prisoner held against my will, you have this spell that I cannot break, you embrace me entirely enveloping my every next move.

I needst break free, though I fear for my future and what's to come of me next, if I can because you are my drug.

My sadistic drug.

I know nothing else even though I hate this feeling, I cant fathom never enjoying it again.

For that I dim this dark disastrous light and let this feeling of disparity consume and embrace me entirely, all of me, completely. 



No Choice

No Choice

 

There I sit, sitting in a state of hesitation and so I wait, waiting for that day, that moment, so precise and controlled that not from whom thy know but from whom thou can see thee fit formally for thine's forgiveness.

It's evolutionary falling so into place with the past making way with precision to the present determining one's future so quickly, unnerving.

It's ravishing like a river flowing from the peeking point so passionately passing over walls falling possessively, mastering and taking anything in it's wake, just absorbing that not of which can be seen, but that which only listens and moves with the rushing, so determined.

Call it crazy, but don't you see thy's path is set already.

No matter the actions, the people we meet you think thy has a choice, for a rushing waterfall does not choose, it just flows and the events occur natural disruptions to the flow changes thy's course and the water adapts to a new bend in the river.

It does not choose for it can't.

It just flows flawlessly, uncontrollably, so predictable.

Quiet Night in Time

Quiet Night in Time

 

This rose stained for time has stopped and to this I know not enough for time, standing still to this silent night.

These tears that of which escape me draw paths smoothly staining down and deeply I fall victim to this still silent night.

These petals a little crisp as the cold creeps as I await to cascade into a sleep of condescending dreams.

This stem supposedly straight, unexpectedly almost uncontrollable wilts wonderfully to the endless quiet on this never-ending night.

These leaves crinkling and crumbling as if tossing and turning in a bed of shattering roses trying to redeem what's left of this not quite satisfying masochistic evening.

These thorns grow more as time continues sharply, enlightened my thorns are sadistic depending and thriving on that which is inflicted.

Intuition has always intrigued my attention that of which has always captured those fallen petals from that of the beloved bleeding rose.

I know not of what I do, but that of what I am and what I am is the bleeding part of a purple rose. And when time is isolated that part of me which bleeds stops significantly consuming me entirely.

And this night encloses me completely encasing my shattered petals encompassing my fragile stem and enveloping those leaves ever so carefully.

The purple that once was following a flowing path along those venomous veins throughout the stem, the leaves, and of course the purplest petals has stopped because as I sit on this quiet night in time, the purple shall not bleed the rose.

And so as I'm consumed completely my mind is finally at peace and so drooping, my eyelids slowly shut and my restless night that was never ending finally comes to that end letting time that stood so still suppress and sinfully resuming, the purple slowly starts to flow.



Just Met

Just Met

 

As everyone looks I'm so caught starring,

but I can't remove my eyes

I'm so not caring

And then his eyes finally meet mine.

It seemed like forever with every moment passing,

we were unchanged.

I'm glad to know true love exists,

but what would you call this,

if our eyes just met.

For all I know there was this gravitational pull,

connecting the two of us

in this crowded room that felt too full.

I've never felt so speechless and strained for air,

my hearing enlightened me to hear a pin dropping

and blocking out all the rest,

my vision was fixated on this stranger

who I seemed like I knew forever,

my throat felt dry and my heart throbbed in my chest,

my arms felt heavy to all the rest.

And yet our eyes were locked with such a force.

Too Late

Too Late

 

So there's this boy next door who always has a sad face on.

His mom's always yelling and he hates the fact his dad is gone.

There's always bruises on his cheeks and around his eyes,

he wears a ball cap.

I know what he's hiding, I know how he feels,

I've been there to know what he lacks.

Every morning he walks with this girl

and they never talk, they enjoy the silence, together.

 

So he gets up in the morning

and he goes to school to learn

but he can't concentrate from the yelling

and the teacher looks concerned.

So when will his day come,

when he'll move on and won't feel so numb.

 

She can't get up the guts to talk to him

and he's just so blind to see.

They're speechless, both you and me.

One day after he walked me home,

his face didn't leave my mind,

I decided to go see him,

so he wouldn't have to face her alone.

 

So he gets up in the morning

and he goes to school to learn

but he can't concentrate from the yelling

and the teacher looks concerned.

So when will his day come ,

when he'll move on and won't feel so numb.

 

As I walked onto the porch, I saw her on the floor.

My heart raced in my chest,

and I flew through the door.

And at that moment

I was too late,

I saw him lying so helpless there

making his way through heavens gate.

So why is life so unfair,

that evening I was too late,

we were too late.

Is it Love

Is it Love

Is it love when I think his name,

Is it love when I see his face,

Is it love that I should blame,

as if the bad luck ace.

Is it love when I dream his eyes,

Is it love when I sense his thoughts,

Is it love when I believe his lies,

as if he knows he's caught.

Is it love when I read his mind,

Is it love when I finish for him,

Is it love when I know he's kind,

as if the future never goes dim.

It's love when he reads your thoughts,

It's love when he truly cares,

It's love when he ties the knots,

as if he never again compares.

It's love when he wakes up starring,

It's love when he calls for no reason,

It's love your heart he's baring,

as if love lasts many seasons.

It's love both shall share,

It's love both will suffer,

It's love for both, true but rare,

as if to make you tougher.

For Life

For Life

 

Today I met my future,

it was bitter sweet.

I know he's mine for sure,

he swept me off my feet.

 

He walks me home to know I'm safe,

and kisses me goodnight,

doesn't believe in any faith,

just when he holds me tight.

 

Call me crazy for who I've found

and tell me it's in my dreams.

Love came and whispered a soft sound,

or that's what it seems.

 

I feel like Alice in his eyes,

hypnotized in love,

today he came by surprise,

as if sent from above.

 

I'm going for my chance tonight,

I'm going for it all,

I'm going for life's one fight,

I'm going before I fall.

Take my hand and run away with me

and run into the light,

run with me for life to be,

this is love at first sight.

 

Tonight we gaze upon the stars

and name what we could find,

the moonlight is forever ours,

I didn't seem to mind.

 

I love it when he holds my hand

and smiles when I look,

I wish we were in the sand,

because it's paradise we took.



Love Drifter

Love Drifter

 

From this day on my soul is yours to keep,

yes it's true, you that stole my heart for good

I've stolen yours and it's buried real deep.

It's love I've found that I never thought I could,

I guess I just didn't know how

to love a guy like you,

you bring out the girl in me,

the girl I never knew.

 

It's all coming fast, fast but oh so true.

How did I manage to find a guy like you,

I ran so fast and fell too much,

so much I was seeking that one's touch.

That one happened to be you.

So take my hand and guide me through,

starring out into the night, into the sky.

How did I manage to find the perfect guy,

who shares my thoughts and holds me tight,

together our future looks so happy and bright.

 

Holding on forever,

tell me that you need me.

Kiss me just forever,

my only fish in the sea.

That's where loves no limit,

where we belong together.

Where our hearts best fit,

where we are for better.

 

Way back when I was a love drifter,

drifting for another love believer.

Believing that he was around the corner

and now, now I've become the achiever.



Mass Destruction

Mass Destruction

 

In the devastation of mass destruction,

I look through those dead eyes

and see the peaking point of the sun,

which breaks in the wind of demise

and defeats temperature lies

to claim victory and have won.

 

Through the victim that he plays,

desiphering between sound waves,

water drops prick his icy pale skin,

clearly identifying each and every drop,

maliciously tasting he know he's caught.

 

And I can't fight this pain anymore

in my chest it will supress

no longer rendered weaker,

that crimson piece of my purple

growing stronger will defeat you

for it has found a new seeker.

Strained

Strained

 

Temperature drops below freezing

my icy red cheeks ache with the cold,

sacred breaths escape me leaving

behind the drastic days old.

 

And I am numb to this feeling,

with this path so dark and unknown,

the heated touch I long for

big hearted with innosense and bold.

 

Lagging in these deep dark roots,

your loathing is greatly unsold,

render me strengthless you wont

for under this great big oak

no defenseless I cannot be,

imagine if only I had spoke,

but no voice is echoing to flee.

 

A spirit has yet to provoke

me cautiously in circles too thin,

moss covered emerald knees

are captivating to breach the wind.

Burning

Burning

 

You press your cold stone icy lips

to my warm sweet soft smile

and firmly I'm in your grasp

with no air left in my chest,

you leave me breathless

every time we touch

with every passionate kiss

there's not a second when you're not on my mind

and when we are apart my heart aches.

Every time you stare deep into my eyes

I feel like you're reading right into me

and I melt within as the blood pools

in my cheeks warming there with a glow

and heats my body, instinctly I want your touch.

I'm burning from the inside out

because I need your touch now you're the one

I can't go on living without.

Death of Tomorrow

Death of Tomorrow

 

The death of tomorrow

brings my soul great sorrow

and so I must ask myself

why am I in this mode of stealth.

The death of yesterday

brings my soul pain today

and so I begin to ask him

why is life so dark and dim.

He stares deep into my soul

and it's there I see what he's stole

A single tear escapes me

and I am all but free.

And so the death of my past

is but a reflection that will last

and so I ask everyone around,

would you forget me when I'm down.

Stand Still

Stand Still

 

The depths linger in this darkness

which surrounds me all too closely,

blank stares prick my skin regardless

making the nights seem all too lonely.

 

Personified the time stands still,

remarkable crystal running water

reaching down the rocks with ease

with your presence time has altered,

grasping moments you couldn't seize.

Until the day comes crawling over hill,

mountainous winds makes this time stand still.

 

And though I long to breathe

in this crisp air that tastes so heavy,

long with the ocean's salty breeze,

for these crystalline rocks miss me.

 

Strong to the ground and stand

still to the moist moss emerald,

reaching forth take thine hand

breaching limestone's threshold.

 

Standing still against these minerals,

toes wiggle and sparkle like quartz,

time passing clouds toll intervals,

remaining I stand still in all sorts miss me.

Red Gem

My heart, yes this one, it resides cold beating in my chest.
My hand, yes my left, a heart sits on my second last finger.
Hearts all over but with each heart on my body,
just reminds me how lonely the only important one is.

Never been one to grow attached to things or anyone,
and I was a fool to think that nothing could go wrong,
with how alone I've always been, I thought I was at home
but when I fell in love, I couldn't be anymore wrong.

And now I feel so very alone when I was alone before
that loneliness could never compare to this
I cant cry no longer, for my heart can't keep up with this,
With confidence I pack my stuff and close the door.

I've got nothing left inside of my chest for now
and once these hearts mend to the shining red gems,
with my tears unshed no longer falling from my eyes.
My life will fall into place and begin its everlasting hems.

I often find myself here thinking about these past lulls,
how my hems were hemmed and a new story in their place
growing tall it seems like I'm gazed upon castle walls,
and I feel stuck, for my past has still the strong embrace.

Fighting to what's to come of me next,
struggling and fighting for air.
Moving forward seems lethal out of context,
but my strides stress and suppress each step fair.

I gaze upon my hand and pulling my thoughts,
immediately a smile stretches across my red full lips.
I have been his all along just avoiding this path, which fits,
It's you, all along that has already had me caught.

Poison

How do I change the course I'm on
with each twist and turn,
with each decision
how do I not burn
those who love me
and care most,
how do I not hurt them
for how black I feel
today and every day.

Burying myself on this path,
for I've seen it before,
should I try to change,
I do daily.
to lead me estrange,
but ever familiar
to make the same
broken mistake
all over again.

I hate for who I am,
some days,
which lead me different ways,
but somehow
someway I go unchanged.
fearing what I'd hate to become,
taking, hurting others
for what I am,
who I am.

So how do I find that path
where I wont be like them,
my blood, its all around me,
I fear the pattern,
which consumes me
controls me, not yet
I am in here fighting
for me, I wont be like them,
for this poison,
it cannot win.

Winter's Embrace

Winter's Embrace

The ice cold flake falls to my porcelain white nose, closing my dark eyes hidden underneath long lashes, I cringe as the wind stings my cheeks, instantaneously I froze as my ears prick to that ice and powder crunching beneath my toes that I can no longer feel, chilling my back and I shiver.

Continuing my short stride, I walk through the whiteout, to my left, chain linked with ice and snow, far out in this darkness, deep; what were stunning green trees are now frosted thick heavy white branches.

I stop suddenly gazing around, as a branch gives way from it's lingering weight tumbling with a light powdery mist as the snow hits the large bank formed on the ground.

More flakes plunge to the endless white from the low grey ceiling above. Gracely pulling my hood over my head to protect my hair from the flowing flakes I break for the forest, enjoying my time the enticing aloneness for it's what I so deeply love.

Sail's Mast

Sail's Mast

Cool dim lighting surrounds the lonely seats,

I inhale cautiously, filling my lungs with musty air.

I grasp the bar putting up my feet

as I begin to relax in the chair.

In front a familiar coaster appears.

Instinctively my hand hits the counter

and I fight the urge and hide my tears.

I am not myself, seeing the glass, I found her.

Three ice cubes and a green lime wedge,

clink and sparkle like diamonds.

Clear glossy liquid pours down my throat,

slamming the empty glass down to the ledge.

That's where I begin to float,

thoughts that consumed me

surrender and leave me free.

Leaving behind a bill, I walk for the door.

Button after Button, I face the cold,

taking long strides, lacking confidence untold.

Continuing with grace, long and growing sore.

Trying to block the remnants of my past,

but clearly each day the depression consumes me.

One day I'll live like a Sail's strength surely,

gliding the waters of my destructions,

sailing, smoothly, rising strongly,

awaiting the day to see my mast.

Disowned

Disowned

I hate for how I feel, my feelings run deep.

I dread with how I act, my actions don't sleep.

All this pain weighs in my soul,

I try to escape each day.

When I think I've found a hole,

I get stuck every day.

For these decisions are my own to make,

my very possible future mistakes.

For every direction that I choose,

I needst not worry about your abuse.

So take me as I am,

for what I am

and what I do,

don't make me choose,

between me and you,

because it hurts me losing you.

 Family, through death we lose.

Family, through birth we gain.

So how do I describe my pain,

with each decision that you choose,

leaves us both with a loss, suffering and pain.